Lost and Found

Since 2018 I have been a substitute teacher off and on. I loved day to day subbing because I could jump in for a seven hours and be a 'Mary Poppins' type character for the kids - fun and loving. Over the years I have attempted 3 long term sub positions - all ending in my complete exhaustion. 

However in day to day subbing, the kids have less time to figure me out, or calculate my weaknesses, hence taking advantage of my good nature. I being, too nice would often said 'YES' to almost all their requests. I have come to see that as a Sub you simply have to say 'NO' to nearly everything they ask. I often ponder, "What happened to the kids that just did what they were told when a teacher walked into the room?" Maybe it never was that way, but it's what I seemed to remember. 

Yet every time I taught, I learned something new about the job and about myself. One teacher recently told me that teaching today is equivalent to an Army Commander going into a frontline battle. I did learn some important tips as I maneuvered the field. From the beginning  be on the outlook for the ring leaders who through their loud behavior pulls the whole class off track. Once you locate the one or two people, find a way to get them to be on your side. Helping them to feel that if they assist you in maintaining classroom balance, everyone comes out a winner. It is definitely not an easy task to step into a classroom with a group of kids, with various personalities, all wanting something from you.

MY LAST LONG TERM JOB ENDED IN VICTORY

I had taken a substitute teacher job at the beginning of the school year in Albuquerque. The job was posted for 17 days. I thought this was something I could manage. When I showed up on the first day the kids were very quiet and seemed well mannered. I thought, 'Wow, I have a class of angels." But as in the past they figured out that I did not have a lot of boundaries, and before long the class was a chaotic mess of chatter. Kids running around the room. No matter how many times I would say, "Class, Class, 123 eyes on me," to which they respond "456 are eyes are fixed," their silence only lasted a few seconds and then their voices continued chattering almost immediately. I felt like I was in a cackling chicken's coop. If I went to them individually, one would stop for a moment. As I left to go to the next one, the last one started up again. I was officially a Mother's Hen in the coop.

At night I would drive home completely exhausted. I started eating sugary sweets and pastries after work just to get a fix of energy. I kept thinking this won't be too hard on me as I ate a pretty clean diet, and I knew I only had 17 days. I made it through but completely wiped out at the end.  The sugar and sleepless nights took a toll on me. 

On the Thursday evening before the last day, I visited the Dollar Store close to the school. I walked around aimlessly looking for things I could buy for the kids. Even though they had driven me crazy, I loved each one of them, more than I have ever loved my students before. Individually they were adorable, bright 2nd graders. And each one, even the trouble makers had captured my heart. 

So here I was at the Dollar Store thinking of each one of them. What should I buy? My mind was so foggy from the excessive summer heat of our classroom, and my overall exhaustion. I wasn't sure if I should get them journals, or pencils or stickers? I asked myself, should I get something for everyone, or just the one's who did listen? My mind was a mess. Finally I just grabbed a bunch of stuff and walked over to the cashier.

The clerk rang up all my items, which came to about $20. It was a reasonable price that I could afford. I reached into my purse to get my wallet and it wasn't there. A burst of adrenaline rushed through my body, which woke me up from my comatose state. Oh no, I thought where was it? I panicked, maybe it had fallen out of my purse in the car. I noticed that my purse felt lighter than when I had walked in the store. I feared that someone had taken it. It would have been easy to do, because I had a small purse and my wallet sat right at the top. I even said to myself on previous occasions, I should zip my purse closed when out shopping. But I had not taken my advice. 

I asked the clerk to suspend the order. He looked at me and said, "You mean you have no way to pay for this?" I replied, "No, my wallet is gone!" as I rushed to my car. Opening the door and looking over to the passenger seat where I presumed it might have been, to my despair it was not there. 

I went into overdrive mode, calling my credit card company immediately as I had their number in my phone. They told me that someone had already tried to add my credit card to their apple pay, but could not because of the security alert that goes to the cell phone first. Thank God I still had my cell. The associate on the phone was able to close my card and reissue a new one with with no fraudulent charges having taken place. Next was my debit card. I could not remember the last 4 digits of my card and the automated phone system would not let me connect. 

Quickly I drove over to my bank which was close by. The bank teller knew me by name but with no ID he could not do anything for me. Again Thank God I had my phone as he showed me how to close my card on the APP, and get my phone to accept the Apple pay. Otherwise I was out of access to money until the new cards arrived. 

I have to say even though I got the Apple pay set up the thought of not having access to money for awhile was not as frightening a thought as one might think. The feeling that came over me was relief and relaxation at not spending money.

When I got home and finally began to relax from my day, I felt another level ease as I let go. I surrendered my wallet and the cash in it which totaled around $60. Which, I laughed at when I remembered that my cash is wrapped in a Jesus prayer card with Our Lady Guadalupe on the cover. So the thieves had to peel open the prayer card to steal the cash. I could say their souls will be tarnished for this, but I chose to think a different thought, that maybe seeing Our Lady is what they needed, and maybe..., not right now..., but in the future they will return to her.

I remembered Jesus' words in His sermon on the mount. Matthew 5:40 "If someone wants to take your shirt, hand over your coat over also." I wasn't surrendering the loss of my wallet to the thieves in my inner peace, I was surrendering the whole experience to God. If I was supposed to have this happen I trusted in Him. I reflected on the fact that losing my physical ID (driver's license) may have been a signal for something deeper. I began contemplating the idea that God was moving me. That perhaps, I was not aligned in my spiritual identity, and I needed to spend more quiet time listening to where He wanted me to be and what He wanted me to be doing. 

The next day I walked into school still very exhausted and bewildered from the night before. As I walked my students to the cafeteria, I happened to mention to one of my 7 year olds about my night last night. Here I am going on about this crazy pick-pocketing experience while this kid starts telling me that he found something and he wanted to give it to me. He said, he found it close to the middle school grounds next to our elementary school. He was trying to explain this to me, but I was still wrapped up in my own story and thoughts. He said, the item he found looked like a brick and it said XOXO on it. In my head I am imagining a little plastic toy.

"OK," I say to him, "If you want to hand it in, I will take it to our school lost and found. You can give it to me when we get into class." We entered the classroom and everyone went about their normal routine of placing backpacks on hooks, taking their chairs down from the tables, and munching on their breakfast. I noticed the young boy walk over to his backpack where he called me over. He reached into his backpack and pulled out the thing he wanted to give me. It was.... my wallet...

I gasped in disbelief how could this be. I was amazed, astounded, shocked, overwhelmed with emotion. I immediately dropped to my knees and thanked him. He said to me, "They were from the middle school and they had Dollar Store bags." --- How did he find it? How did he know it was mine? I never asked any of those worldly questions. What I did know in that moment and this is most likely why I immediately dropped to my knees, is that this boy had supernatural connections and this was a God moment. 

As he walked back to his chair I turned and began to weep. Not because I had my wallet or my ID, or my credit cards back, but because of what I felt through the boy. I felt his connection to the Divine. Even from the first day I met him, I there was something special about him. He had piercing blue eyes that seemed to go right through you when you looked at them. Making me me aware that he held a certain angelic quality. In the school system he is registered as a gifted student in his studies, but I believe his real gifts are in the supernatural world. And I definitely felt that as he passed me my wallet.  

I pray that as this boy moves through this world, he will find mentors that will inspire these gifts, and encourage him to keep using them all through his life. Too often these types of gifts are not encouraged and fade away as one ages. 

God works in mysterious ways. When I finally finished the 17 day job and could catch my breath I asked Jesus, "What happened during those 3 weeks when I felt like everything in me was falling apart, and there was so much chaos going on?" Jesus replied, "I was with you in all of it - the whole time!" That's Jesus for you never leaving our side. Father Rick helped me out too as I went to him half way through in desperation for his prayers. He handed me a Deliverance Prayer book which greatly helped pull me out of the haunting thoughts I had morning and night. When I spoke with another priest Father DePalma, and I told him of how difficult the situation was not only for me but for other teachers as well, he replied, "The schools right now are full of Spiritual Warfare." So the analogy of a commander going into battle is really not that far off of a statement to make. Deliverance prayers definitely helped me. So if you are reading this article please keep praying for the children and staff in schools.

Yet as I prefaced in this article Victory was at hand. My biggest take away from this experience was not that I got my wallet back - but something much more profound. My Spiritual Identity was being restored by God. I could now see that the ones we serve - are also serving us. I discovered this through a poem I read by Joanna Macy called: Grace and the Great Turning. I realized that as a sub, I was putting all this pressure on myself to control the class and teach these kids, only to realize that in the presence of human interaction - we are all helping each other. Be it teacher or student we are all ...  from a Christian perspective brothers and sisters of Christ Jesus and He will pull us through any situation. As my Catholic Life Coach says, "when the tension is high God is purifying your soul. "